whoo hoo! one week of holidays! call me out cause i'll be bored....
went to the MOTHER FUCKING BRUTAL EPIC FALL OF MIRRA EP LAUNCH ON SAT!!!! the circle pit was the sex! still aching from it though....
last but not least, spiderbites!!! XD  my lip is still swollen.....
WILL UPDATE MORE SOON IF I HAVE THE TIME!!

i somehow find myself unable to sleep at night in the past few days/nights. i don't exactly know why, although it might be due to having too much on my mind such as worries, fears, feelings, stress, taking off the cast which has been restricting me for like since march, getting everything back on track, such as my social life which has atrophied to crap. jamming and just being a normal teenager again.

hmmm i just realised that i'm listening to pop punk/ rock again other than motion city soundtrack, all due to listening to forever the sickest kids. anaway, i'm like spamming the song through glass by stone sour right now. i don't know why, haha. i just feel that i can relate to the song:

I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
Oh God it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head

How do you feel? That is the question
But I forget you don't expect an easy answer
When something like a soul becomes initialized
And folded up like paper dolls and little notes
You can't expect a bit of folks

So while you're outside looking in
Describing what you see
Remember what you're staring at is me

'Cause I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
All I know is that it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head

How much is real? So much to question
An epidemic of the mannequins, contaminating everything
We thought came from the heart
But never did right from the start
Just listen to the noises
(Null and void instead of voices)

Before you tell yourself
It's just a different scene
Remember it's just different from what you've seen

And it's the stars
The stars that shine for you
And it's the stars
The stars that lie to you, yeah
 

 

sigh..... i just can't wait for monday to get a load off my mind, and to walk.

this song pretty much what this blog post is about

Let's Get Fucked Up And Die by Motion City Soundtrack

Let's get fucked up and die.
I'm speaking figuratively, of course.
Like the last time that I committed suicide,
Social suicide.
Yeah so I'm already dead, on the inside,
But I can still pretend.
With my memories and photographs,
I've learned to love the lie.

I wanna know what it's like to be awkward and innocent, not belligerent.
I wanna know how it feels to be useful and pertinent and have common sense, yeah.
Let me in,
Let me in to the club.
Cause I wanna belong,
And I need to get strong.
And if memory serves.
I'm addicted to words and they're useless.

*********(In this department)**************

Let's get fucked up and die.
I'm riding hard on the last legs of every lie.
And the BMX bike of my life is about to explode,
I'm about to explode.
I'm a mess, I'm a wreck.
I am perfect and I have learned to accept:
All my problems and short comings,
Cause I am so visceral yet deeply inept.

I want to thank you for being a part of my Forget-Me-Nots and Marigolds,
And all the things that don't get old.
Is it legal to do this?
I surely don't know.
It's the only way I have learned to express myself.
Through other peoples' descriptions of life.
I'm afraid I'm alone and entirely useless.

**********(In this department)************

Let's get fucked up and die.
For the last time with feeling,
We'll try not to smile.
As we cover our heads and drink heavily into the night,
That’s no shock and surprise.
I believe that I can overcome this and beat everything in the end.
But I choose to abuse for the time being.
Maybe I'll win, but for now I've decided to die.

Sister Soldier you’ve been such a positive influence on my mental frame.
If I could ever repay you I would but I'm hard up for cash,
And my memory lacks initiative.
Goddamn the liquor store's closed.
We're so close to scoring.
It hurts, it destroys, 'till it kills.
I am tired and hungry and totally useless.